


you are my home

by eddiefuckinkaspbrak



Series: IT Fix-It Fics [3]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coma, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 18:55:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21184331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eddiefuckinkaspbrak/pseuds/eddiefuckinkaspbrak
Summary: Eddie’s thought’s during his induced coma in the hospital. [fix it fic]





	you are my home

**Author's Note:**

> (from the prompt "why haven't you kissed me yet?")

_ Beep. _

_ Beep. _

_ Beep. _

“Clear!”

Eddie felt his whole body jolt, even if he wasn’t conscious. The whole experience was surreal, sending his mind into the cusp of madness. Was he dead? Was he alive? Was this was Heaven was meant to be like, or had he committed too many sins and was actually in Hell? 

Voices surrounded him, all of them unfamiliar and Eddie strained his fragile brain to find one that he could recognise. If he could only hear one voice, just one, he might be able to settle down and have a fighting chance. Through his haze of thoughts and panic in his mind, Eddie was still in a lot of pain. His chest felt like there were a tonne of bricks sitting upon it and there was a tightness in his throat, stopping him from gasping for breath. 

It was strange, the whole feeling of being in limbo, at least that’s where Eddie assumed he was as he couldn’t talk, couldn’t tell the voices that he could feel each and every jolt of electricity and slam of their hands against his chest as the brought him back time and time again. 

Slowly, Eddie could feel himself fade away once more, unable to keep his mind awake any longer. This was it, this was what dying felt like. He was about to pass away in a cold room surrounded by people he didn’t know, and who really didn’t care if he lived or died. 

“We’re losing him! Clear!”

* * * * *

“He’s going to be alright, right? Tell me that he’s going to be alright!” The voice ringing in Eddie’s ear this time was a familiar one. Richie. Why was Richie in Heaven? He tried to open his eyes, but they were glued shut and he moved to his mouth, to try and say something. He couldn’t, however, as there was something stuck down his throat. A tube, probably to help him breathe. 

“It’s too early to say, Mr Tozier. Right now, you just have to talk to him and let him know you’re here. They say he can hear you even when in an induced coma.” Another voice. A nurse. 

_ Coma? _

* * * * *

“A week without you, Eds.” There was a hand in his, a thumb stroking over his fingers, squeezing it every so often. “I miss you, and god, I just want you to wake up, to tell me I’m ridiculous and to stop calling you Eds. Even though I know that you love it, I know you do.” Another squeeze. “The doctor says that you can probably hear me, but you won’t remember when you wake up. So I’ve been here every day, talking to you, hoping you’ll wake up and show me those beautiful eyes of yours.” This time there was the feeling of a pair of lips against his palm. “If you can hear me, squeeze my hand, or move your fingers. Just- please Eds, give me a sign that you’re in there, recovering.”

Eddie  _ tried _ . He really tried. There had never been a moment he had wanted to move his hand, or open his eyes more than in that moment. Instead, he was met with more blackness. 

* * * * *

“Hey Eddie. I finally managed to get Richie to go for a shower. He hasn’t left your side since you got out of the ICU, even before then. The nurses were beginning to get worried. Don’t you worry though, Bill is making sure he’s okay. We all are.” It was Bev, sweet sweet Bev. She sounded exhausted. “We just hope you wake up soon, Eds. You’re so brave, just like Richie said. You’re going to pull through, I know you are.”

* * * * *

“I am sorry, but she is his next of kin and we had to contact her. She has a legal right to know about her husband.”

“She doesn’t care about him! Not like we do!” 

“Richie, stop, please don’t yell. Yelling might distress Eddie.”

“I’m sorry Bev, I- but Myra is on her way and we- she won’t let us stay, you know she won’t.”

* * * * *

“Hey Eds, I don’t have long. Myra is outside talking with the doctor and she has already sent the other losers away. The nice nurse, the one who has been helping you let me in for five minutes while you’re beloved is distracted. I had to say goodbye. She- she’s banned us from visiting you, blaming us- blaming me for putting you in here. God, I’m already blaming myself, I don’t need her to do it for me. I just- I wanted to say one more thing, before I leave. I love you Eddie, I’ve always loved you. Hell, I was a repressed thirteen year old who was in love with my hypochondriac best friend. So much that I carved our names on the kissing bridge. Yeah, you heard that right Eddie Spaghetti-”

“Richie, she’s coming, you need to leave-”

“Please don’t forget about me Eds.”

_ I’ll never forget about you, Richie.  _

_ I love you, too. _

_ Don’t leave me. _

* * * * *

Beep. 

Beep. 

Beep.

“Eddie-bear? Eddie bear can you hear me? Open your eyes for me Eddie-bear, I’m here. I’m right here.”

With a groan, his head spinning, Eddie finally managed to open his eyes. It was slow, as they felt as though they had been stuck together with glue and he was surprised to find the room dark, lit up only by a single lamp in the corner. The second sense to come back to him was his smell, his nose being filled with the scent of antiseptic gel and the general smell of hospitals. Slowly, he turned his head to the side and almost wished he would fall back into a coma, as he met the worried, smothering face of his wife. “Oh Eddie bear!”

Myra was loud, almost screaming, causing his sense of hearing to jolt back into action. His face scrunched up and he lifted his hand, a tube attached to it that was clearly delivering fluids into his system. “M-Myra please-” He stopped as the sound of his voice took Eddie by surprise. It was hoarse and every word spoken felt like glass was being dragged up and down the inside of his throat. 

She didn’t bother asking Eddie how he felt, or even so much as caring about the fact that he was awake. Instead she got up off of the chair, rushing out of the room, screaming for a nurse. It didn’t take long for the room to be swarmed with the medical employees, nurses and doctors alike.

“Good to see you awake, Mr Kaspbrak, you had quite the accident,” The doctor announced, holding his clipboard and checking all of Eddie’s main vitals. “I know you must be confused and disorientated, and I want to allow you to rest properly. I just have a few questions for you, if that’s okay?”

Slowly, Eddie nodded his head, unable to do anything more as the last thing to finally come back to him was his feeling of pain, and fuck, was he in a lot of it. His whole body, from his head to his toes, felt like it was on fire. He felt like every bone in his body had been broken and then put back into place. His chest was heavy, his throat was aching and there was a constant feeling of nausea which he knew was caused by the morphine. 

“Do you remember anything?” The doctor asked, before quickly adding, “Don’t speak, as your throat is going to be sore. We had to fit a tube in to help you breathe and feed you solids. Blink once for yes and twice for no.”

Eddie blinked once. He could remember every tiny little detail of what happened. From the moment he was skewered through the chest by a demonic child eating clown, to the moment he woke up due to Myra’s screeching voice. 

“Alright, that’s good. That means there was no brain damage due to blood loss.” The doctor grinned and continued with his routine questions. “You are very lucky, Mr Kaspbrak. I can’t say I’ve had many people who have been brutally stabbed through the chest come out alive on the other end. Someone was clearly looking down on you.”

The minute the doctor spoke those words, Eddie thought of Stan, which then made him think of the Losers. Where were they? Shouldn’t they be here?

“W-Where-” Eddie croaked, his eyes flickering around the room. God his eyes were starting to feel heavy, and he could feel his consciousness slipping away. He didn’t even get to finish his sentence before he was fast asleep, head slumping against the pillow. 

* * * * *

When Eddie woke up again, there was more light in the room and a nurse was standing at the bottom of his bed. Their eyes met and he managed to smile at her, earning him a smile back as she walked over to the top of the bed, taking a seat on the edge. “How are you feeling?”

“A-” Eddie started, swallowing just a little. His throat didn’t feel as harsh this morning which he was thankful for. “A little- b-better.” He turned his head to the side and spotted the cup of water, “M-May I?”

“Of course,” The nurse smiled, reaching for the cup and bringing it to his lips, allowing him to take a long, soothing sip that trickled down his throat, cooling it as his went. “Do you need me to call the doctor? Or your wife?”

The thought of having Myra back, with her loud booming voice, made Eddie cringe and he shook his head. He turned to the other side, hoping to see one of his friends, but there was nothing but an empty chair. “Where- where are my friends?” He managed out and the nurse looked at her feet. 

“Your wife sent them away when she arrived,” she explained, patting his knee softly. “She thought it was their fault you were so injured and as your next of kin, we could only do what she wanted.” As she spoke, Eddie wanted to be sick. Myra had turned away the only people who had ever truly cared about him, the people who had essentially saved his life when he believed he was a lost cause. The hadn’t given up on him. 

“I-” Eddie started and had to stop to take more water. “I want to see my friends, I want someone to let them know I’m awake.”

A loud gasp from the door caused Eddie’s head to turn to the side. Myra was standing there, her eyes narrow and full of shock. She looked at the nurse, pointing a finger at her. “I told you to tell me the second he woke up! Out, I want you out!”

The nurse opened her mouth to protest but Myra just got louder and more boisterous. “OUT!”

“Stop-” Eddie groaned, lifting the hand that was not hooked up to the drip and pinched his nose. “Myra she was doing her job, please don’t leave.” He asked the nurse and she nodded, moving back to the bottom of the bed, but she was much more tense. “Myra- I want you to call my friends. Please.”

“Eddie-bear,” Myra shook her head, walking over to him and taking his hand. “They aren’t your friends. They left you for dead! How can you call that friendship.” Eddie knew that wasn’t true, because if they had left him for dead, his body would never have been recovered. He would be rotting all that way underground, surrounded by nothing but rubble. 

He shook his head at her, using his most serious expression. “You and I both know that’s not true.” Eddie sighed, “Why are you even here? Why did you come? I told you before I left for Derry that I wanted a divorce.”

Myra blinked at him, her eyes narrowing just a little, “You weren’t in your right mind Eddie-bear, you still aren’t. You need me to take care of you! You need me, Eddie.”

“No- no I don’t,” Eddie croaking, tears stinging his eyes. “How many times have I told you not to call me Eddie-bear. You sound just like my mother and fuck- it’s weird Myra. Our whole relationship is just- weird.” His head thumping and his eyes began to feel heavy. He looked at the drip and realised that the morphine was on a timer, and a new dose had been delivered into his bloodstream. “When I wake up, I expect them to be here.”

Myra’s scowl was the last thing he saw as he succumbed to sleep once more. 

* * * * *

Eddie blinked his eyes open, expecting to still see the scowling face of his soon to be ex-wife, but instead the sight that greeted him was much more welcoming. There, sitting in the chair, his head dropped forward as he slept, was Richie. He looked terrible, scruffy, and that that nap was the first round of sleep he’d had in weeks. 

He had also never looked more beautiful. 

How Eddie had managed to go the whole trip back to Derry without telling Richie how he felt, how he had always felt, was past him. Every time Richie had opened his mouth, had spilled out a ridiculous joke, the words had been on the tip of his tongue. Even when Eddie had saved him from the deadlights, moments before his almost fatal stabbing, Eddie didn’t know why he didn’t just seize the moment and kiss the other man. 

Well, actually he did know. He was scared. Scared that Richie would turn him away and find him disgusting. 

He wasn’t scared anymore, not after he almost died and especially not after hearing Richie’s confession when he was in his coma. Now though, now he wanted to hear them when he was awake, and while he was able to say them back. “Rich-” he croaked, reaching a hand over and touching his arm. “Rich. Wake up.”

The second his hand touched Richie’s the man was jolting awake and staring at Eddie as though he had seen a ghost. It took a moment for his brain to catch up, and when it it, tears started to trail down his cheeks as he moved closer to the bed. “Eds, fuck, you’re awake.”

“I’m awake,” Eddie breathed back, settling his head comfortably against the pillow. He was still tired, and his chest was still in immense pain. He wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. “You’re crying…”

“I thought you were dead,” Richie breathed, taking Eddie’s hand in his own and bringing it up to his lips, kissing the skin with such tenderness Eddie could have started crying too. “Your body, it was so still, so...so lifeless. If I hadn’t managed to find a pulse, a weak one, you could have been presumed dead.”

Eddie lifted his hand to cup Richie’s cheek, brushing away the tears with his thumb, “I’m not dead though, I’m alive. You saved me.” He closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them again. “I’m sorry Myra sent you away, she had no right.”

“I didn’t want to leave,” Richie admitted, choking back a laugh. “The nurse had to drag me out, apologising the whole time. The other losers got me back to the town house because we knew that Myra wouldn’t hesitate getting the police involved if she had to. I mean- I have already been questioned about Henry.”

Oh shit, Henry. “You- and what did they say?”

Richie shook his head, “I told them the truth, that he was an escaped mental patient who was about to kill my friend, so I acted in self defence. They agreed with me, and they realised he was a dangerous human. He had killed four security guards at the hospital.”

“You did what you had to do, and I’m glad the police were on your side,” Eddie smiled, swallowing thickly. “Uh, I know that this probably isn’t the best time and all but- but I can’t keep this to myself any more. I’ve wasted too much time already.”

Tilting his head to the side, Richie moved a little closer, placing his other hand over Eddie’s so they were both holding his hand, “What’s up, Eds? You can tell me anything, you know that right?”

“Of course I do. I’ve always known.” Eddie smiled, weakly, but it was there. “I love you, Richie. I- I love you. I always have. I was just- fuck- too scared to tell you because I didn’t know how you’d react. Then- when I was in my coma I heard you, you told me how you felt. You told me about the kissing bridge and I- I knew I had to tell you the moment I woke up.”

Richie was staring at him now, with huge wide eyes and his jaw slack open, “You- fuck- you heard me?” He asked and then he blinked. “Wait- you love me? Like- love me love me?”

For the first time since well, he was a kid, Eddie let out a genuine laugh. He nodded his head, squeezing Richie’s hand back tight, “Yes idiot. I love you, love you. I’m in love with you. Crazy, I know, but it’s true.”

More tears were streaming down Richie’s cheeks now, but he was smiling like a mad man. He dropped his head onto their hands for a moment before looking back up, wiping away some of his tears. “Damn, fuck Eds. I love you. So fucking much.”

They fell into a soft silence, just staring at one another, drinking each other in. Eddie was waiting, waiting for Richie to close the distance between them, but it never came. Carefully, he cleared his throat, “Rich?” He asked and Richie hummed, looking at him with a slight frown. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

Richie choked and Eddie held back the urge to giggle at how flustered he was, “I- fuck Eds...you’re married! You- you have a wife.”

Eddie shook his head, “No- we’ve separated. Before I came to Derry. I told her that I was leaving her, that I didn’t love her anymore. We’re not together anymore.”

“Well why didn’t you say that sooner?!” Richie gasped and then he was leaning over Eddie and their lips were meeting in a soft, yet deep kiss. Even though Richie looked like a homeless person, and Eddie was literally back from the dead, both of them at what could be their worst, it was still the best damn kiss Eddie had ever had. Slowly, Richie pulled away and sat back, laughing as he ran a hand through his crazy curls. 

“What?” Eddie asked, knowing there was something on his mind. 

Richie blinked, shaking his head at how well Eddie could read him, “Does that mean you don’t have a home?

Eddie blinked and a soft smile broke out on his face. “Maybe not physically, but don’t you see? I do have a home. I have a home in the Losers and their friendship. I have a home right in front of me, because Richie,  _ you _ are my home.” 

Yes. Richie was his home. He always was, and he always would be.


End file.
